Establishing successful, stress free relations with in a step family unit is undoubtedly a major challenge, but the rewards can be very great. If you find yourself in a new role of step parent, you may find it useful to remember the following points. Go easy to start with; don’t expect too much too soon; remember that you need to win the children’s confidence. It may be best, depending on the age of the children, not to attempt to replace a lost or displaced parent, but rather make it clear that you would prefer to be regarded as a close and trusted friend. There are bound to be times when the situation will try your patience- for example, if you have to put up with long term hostility or cold shouldering but do all you can to be sensitive and try to see the situation through the eyes of a child whose world as been turned tipsy curvy. Try as far as possible to remain detached in relation to the children’s natural mother or father, whom they may have lost through bereavements or divorce. In neither case is it wise to ignore the existences of the absent parent, or to make him or her object of criticism or hostility. Try in all cases to talk openly, to avoid the impression of hiding things from the children. In your efforts to adjust to your new family, be fair in relation to your own children; avoid double standards, and try not to favor them, or conversely, to let them feel left out; aim of the best possible relations between them and their new step brothers and sisters, but remember that this is all bound to take time, so try not to be impatient.
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